The top five ways marketers can achieve greatness in the Year of the Fire Monkey while avoiding the wrath of the Grand Duke.

1) The  year of the fire monkey is expected to bring more turbulence so always update your marketing plans at the last minute. Do you have a blog post scheduled for tomorrow? Get your agency to come up with a video montage based on your home videos instead! It’s original and oh so personal. And get it done in three hours!

2) Monkeys are fun and creative. What better way to show all that than by rebranding. Your logo is so last year – don’t be such a goat. Incorporate elements of the Fire Monkey in your new brand – passion, joy, strength, dynamism, dexterity, generosity, growth, innovation, enthusiasm and (don’t forget) a paradigm shift. But keep it simple.

3) Get into the Monkey’s mind. Jump to the latest marketing craze, take a bite and then drop it faster than a rotting banana. Marketing automation? Location-based marketing? Ephemeral marketing? Always-on wearable unmentionables? Let me at ‘em!

4) The San Sha (Three Killings) indicate areas of affliction. This year’s San Sha is in the south. Don’t disturb anything down south. If you are travelling for work, always go north – even if it means circumnavigating the globe. Please don’t panic if you have to travel south or southwest, send an intern.

5) Lucky hours for the Monkey year are 3 p.m. – 5 p.m. Only be available then. Working at any other time will bring bad luck to you and everyone within a 1.3km radius. If you are born in the year of the Rooster or Monkey – any signs of activity will just offend the Tai Sui (Grand Duke of Jupiter). Stay at home and binge on Netflix until it’s safe to come out on 28 January, 2017.

Keep fighting the good fight and may the Year of Fire Monkey bring health, prosperity and happiness to us all!